That Night

Huda Mahmood
2 min readSep 10, 2020

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Image by Pinterest

I look in the mirror and I see a monster.

Filthy.
Disgusting.
Virile.

But Amma says I am innocent and pure. I will grow up to be a gentleman who’d bring happiness and peace into the lives of people around me.

I want to believe her. I really really do. Sometimes I pinch my eyes really tight and try to see that person. A gentleman and happiness and peace. Want to know what I see?

I see myself standing in front of a mirror. There is darkness all around and only a little light from the moon far away in the sky. I try to look into the mirror, but it is too dark. So I move towards it, hoping to take a closer look. I stretch my arm out and my fingers meet the darkness over the cool surface. I slowly edge forward. Now my hand is plastered against the mirror and the darkness. It looks like that darkness is surrounding my hand.

Every time I pinch my eyes, I get stuck in this dark and cold mirror.

I want to move away now, but I am stuck. I try to pull my hand away. I try with all my might. It is not coming away. It is turning dark. I can see the darkness spreading through the mirror. I am scared and desperate. I look around, it is dark all around me. I can see nothing. So I turn to look at the fading moon, the only thing visible, and it is still not okay. I can feel the tears on my cheeks. I am scared and I am stuck.

Every time I pinch my eyes, I get stuck in this dark and cold mirror.

Every time I cry out of helplessness.

Every time my Amma’s hand pulls me out.

Every time I hold on to her real tight as she calms me down.

Every time I tell her, I am not the gentleman she thinks.

Every time I look in the mirror, I see a monster.

Dark.
Cold.
Baneful.

But there is something more and I can’t tell her that. There is a face on that mirror that I can see even in the darkness. It is the face of that man who hurt her in the night.

That night when we were on the road.

That night when I was scared and stuck and helpless.

That night when Amma had cried.

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Huda Mahmood
Huda Mahmood

Written by Huda Mahmood

An engineer with a love for words and an aptitude to tell stories that matter.

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